Hello I am an Addict
The addiction no one warned me about
Hello my name is B, I’m an addict and I only realised today 11th of Feb 2026.
For most of my life, I did not know I was addicted to anything.
Addiction, in my mind, was loud.
Messy.
Obvious.
Mine was none of those things.
And yet, it kept me imprisoned inside my own body.
It ruined opportunities.
It silenced dreams before they were ever spoken aloud.
The most dangerous part?
It never announced itself.
It was subtle.
Indistinct.
Exceptionally skilled at remaining unnoticed within my own being.
It never left me.
Or maybe the truth is, I never left it.
I carried it everywhere, unaware of its danger. Even when it led me to walk straight into deep abysses, I never suspected it was the source.
I mistook it for peace.
For my entire life.
Even now, as I write this, I am wrestling with that confession. Because this addiction is not rowdy or destructive in the obvious way. It feels calm. Controlled. Safe.
For some people, in small doses, it can even be useful.
But to dwell in it is something else entirely.
To live in it is to watch life pass without ever steering it.
It is to sit in the back seat while someone else drives your destiny.
It is to throw the keys of your life into the ocean and quietly withdraw from the world.
It is a slow killer.
It steals thoughts before they become words.
It steals words before they become action.
It steals action before it becomes destiny.
Over time, it disguises itself as a safe haven while it quietly robs you of your future.
The longer you linger in it, the stronger it becomes. It weakens your backbone. It numbs your decision making. It convinces you that not choosing is safer than choosing wrong.
The abuse of its soothing power led me into its darker side.
In moderation, it can be a tool that can forge deep thought. It can refine ideas. It can cultivate awareness.
But when it becomes a dwelling place instead of a discipline, it becomes addictive.
You know the saying, close mouth does not get fed.
You know the verse, the power of life and death is in the tongue.
You know that words are powerful.
They are not clichés.
They are warnings.
If you have not guessed yet, my addiction was SILENCE.
I only discovered it today.
So no, I am not cured.
But I am aware. And awareness is the beginning of freedom.
I am learning to use silence as a tool, not a hiding place. As rest, not refuge. As reflection, not escape.
I am on a journey to discover my true voice.
To participate fully in the world instead of observing it from the shadows.
To serve. To contribute. To speak when speaking is required.
I am stepping into environments where my voice will be challenged and my thoughts scrutinised. Not to be torn down, but to be refined.
Confidence is not built in isolation. Authority is not formed in hiding.
I have seen both sides.
When I spoke in the past, I changed my environment.
I moved countries.
I expanded my network.
I welcomed incredible people into my life.
When I chose silence out of fear, I created problems out of thin air.
I hurt people unintentionally.
I allowed misunderstandings to grow.
I let dreams die quietly.
Silence is not evil.
But dwelling in it can be.
This is not a warning shouted from a podium.
It is a confession spoken from someone still learning.
And today, 11 February 2026, I have decided that silence will no longer be my coping mechanism.
It will no longer be my identity.
It will no longer be my addiction.
I will speak.
To myself.
To others.
To God.
And in doing so, I believe I will live more fully than I ever have before.
Beautiful 🌟